


High maintenance

by Bl4ckHunter



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Comedy, Crack Fic, F/M, Poor Barry Allen, Poor Oliver Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26284972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bl4ckHunter/pseuds/Bl4ckHunter
Summary: One-shot story. Crack fic. As Oliver and Barry soon enough find out, trying to satisfy their partners is tiring high maintenance.
Relationships: Barry Allen and Iris West, Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	High maintenance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aragorn_II_Elessar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/gifts), [Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/gifts), [Phillipe363](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipe363/gifts).



> Something I got from re-watching Two and the Half Men.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own DC Comics or the CW TV shows Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, Supergirl or any other characters or elements pertaining to the mentioned franchises.

"You know what would make me really happy?" Iris asked as she turned to Barry, while they were at the couch, watching TV.

"What?" Barry asked as he noticed the smirk on her face.

"The toilet is broken." Iris said with a sly smile.

"Are we role-playing?" Barry asked, the smile on Iris's face confusing him.

"No. You're my beloved Barry fixing my toilet." Iris said, rubbing Barry's face.

Barry considered and shrugged. "OK."

Barry went down as Iris picked up a list of chores. "Barry, could you then take the patio furniture out from the garage and into the backyard? Wash it first, please."

"You got it!" Barry said eagerly.

* * *

"Oliver, I need to go buy some things from drugstore." Felicity said as she put on her coat.

"William, do you want to come with Felicity?" Oliver asked as he saw William watching TV, while Oliver was at the laptop doing some work.

"Not really. Tampons aren't my thing." William said.

"Don't worry, I can look after him." Oliver said.

"OK." Felicity said as she left the apartment and sighed in relief. "Finally. The sweet stench of freedom from that little rascal."

* * *

Oliver was sleeping off at the table, when William nudged him and Oliver weakly opened his eyes. "Can we play together, Dad?"

"What…" Oliver rubbed his eyes as he woke up. "I thought you were playing on Playstation."

"Don't really want to now." William said.

"So, how about we play tag or I teach you how to ride a bike or… archery?" Oliver asked.

"OK." William nodded.

* * *

Felicity later returned with grocery bags in her hands and saw Oliver and William sleeping off on the couch and smiled at how adorable they were together.

* * *

"We've got a blown out fuse, Iris!" Barry said as he checked the fuse box in the basement.

"Should I call an electrician?" Iris asked from upstairs in the apartment.

"Don't worry, I got this." Barry said as he put on rubber gloves from the shelf and inserted into the fuse box a copper penny.

"Barry, don't use the rubber gloves down there, because those in the basement are ripped—"

Suddenly, Barry spasmed violently as the lights in the basement flickered.

"It works, the lights and the TV are back on! Thanks, Barry!" Iris said, oblivious of Barry passing out on the floor from being electrocuted.

* * *

"…and then I had to go to a swordfight with Ra's on the dam and…" Oliver paused, when he saw William finally asleep.

"Did it work?" Felicity asked.

"It worked." Oliver said tiredly.

Felicity smiled as she unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her bare chest and bra. "OK, so how about we have…"

Oliver passed out as they fell down on the floor, with Oliver's face buried onto Felicity's breasts. "OK. Not what I had imagined." She grumbled, unable to get Oliver off her.

* * *

"Are you OK?" Iris asked, once Barry returned from Caitlin's, his hand burned from being electrocuted.

"I'm good." Barry said.

Iris smirked as she wrapped her arms around Barry. "So, how about I make it up to you by…"

Suddenly, they heard clanging in the ceiling.

"What was that?" Barry asked.

They heard some strange noises. "Is that a squirrel?" Iris asked.

"I'll check." Barry said as he picked a flashlight and entered the air ducts.

"Do you see something?" Iris asked as she called into the vent.

"Yeah, I see a tail. I don't think it's a squirrel, I think it's… aaaaagh! Get off! Get off! Yeaough!" Barry screamed.

"Barry!" Iris exclaimed.

"It's a badger! A pissed off badger! Agh! Don't bite me!" Barry groaned in pain.

"Barry!" Iris shouted as Barry crawled away in superspeed but then started freefalling down the vent until he hit his nose on the bottom of the ducts as Iris heard a loud 'bang.' "Barry, are you OK?" She called into the vent.

"I think I broke my nose." Barry groaned weakly and Iris winced. "I think I broke my everything. Ow. My body. Everything hurts… inside my body."

* * *

Later, Oliver was in the Jitters, clutching his head and yawning as a bartender poured him some coffee. "Thanks."

A moment later, Barry limped towards Oliver with a band-aid on his nose and bruises on his face as Oliver's eyes widened. "Whoa, what happened to you?"

"Uh… electrocuted, got my nose bashed in and I might have rabies." Barry listed on his fingers. "And you?"

Oliver took a sip of cappuccino and yawned. "Tired like a dog."

"My heart and my nuts bleed for you, Ollie." Barry said.

"What's that smell?" Oliver sniffed.

"Neosporin and badger fur." Barry said. "How are things with Felicity and William?"

"Not bad." Oliver shrugged. "And how are things with Iris?"

"Awesome." Barry said with a sour taste on his mouth.

Oliver then considered. "You know, Felicity is taking William next week, so that they could visit Donna and I have a free room, if you need—"

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" Barry said enthusiastically and Oliver sighed in relief as they embraced each other in a brother-like hug.

**Author's Note:**

> This was honestly nothing against Iris or Felicity or WestAllen or Olicity this time, I just thought it would be hilarious. Any flames or criticism or accusations of being misogynist, racist or a WestAllen or Olicity hater will be ignored and deleted, since I will not give a damn, all you will be doing will be wasting your own and my time.
> 
> So, what do you guys think?
> 
> Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
> 
> With regards
> 
> Bl4ckHunter


End file.
